So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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