You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
