I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
