those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
