just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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