ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
