After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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