Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
