Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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