he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
