'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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