peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
No subtext here. People are naked.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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