If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize