he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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