We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
