so that wasnt chicken after all
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
