I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
