I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize