just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
