I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
