you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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