you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It's rum buckets o'clock
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
