drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
