I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
