i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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