And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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