Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
