You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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