why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
