Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
