Will you blow on my dice?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
