your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
