so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
