Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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