twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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