i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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