I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
