I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
