I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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