Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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