also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
where are you?
Hypothermia
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
