you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
