I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Someone shattered a urinal.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
