ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
