I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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