I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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