I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
There's always time for handjobs
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
