Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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