careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize