saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
