I puked a lego.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
