So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
