Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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