apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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