What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
