she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
