Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
