Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
