SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
