and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
