I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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