No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He? As in you personified your dick?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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