yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
