I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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