you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
