YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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