babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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