I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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